More letters, more random people.

Dear Guy next to me at the bar,

Shut the fuck up. Really dude, I don't care that you are going to an orphanage to cook stew in the Ukraine. I'm far more concerned about this 1/2 price shot with every beer that they have going on right now. This is why I showed up to the airport early, not to talk to your Fabio haircut with non- Fabio face, guy.

Dear Japanese Musical Chair Representative,

Boarding the plane isn't a gameshow, you twat. Just because there are 39 people in your group, who all want to decide their own seats, regardless of the indicated location on their GOD DAMN TICKET, you caused our flight to leave 18 minutes late. Guess what fuckstick, you caused me to miss out on the noodle house in Tokyo. I hate your fucking face, and if I see your clip-board, I'm punting it.

Dear Everyone at Tokyo Narita Airport Today,

Really? REALLY? I still don't understand how people refuse to get into lines. It's a proven psychological fact that humans will stand in lines when they are present, even if they don't know why! Come on people, get it together. You do realize that there are 67 fucking rows on this airplane, right? Thanks for making that plane late too, by resembling a massive goat rodeo, with no clowns to keep you all organized.

Dear Northwest Airlines,

I regret to inform you that you in fact, suck ass. Not only are your planes the temperature equivalent of a holocaust oven, but your flight nazis (ahem, i mean... attendants) are rude. That doesn't sit well for a restless guy on an 11 hour flight. Especially when you short change my $5 alcoholic beverage by not giving me the WHOLE FUCKING SODA. It's a can of soda lady, don't fuck me on this one...they took my lube at security.

Dear makers of the movie "The Fall",

It's called rehab guys, look it up. That Robert Downy Jr character should still be there, he can show you around. Your movie made Amy Whinehouse look like normal enough to consider marrying. Shit, maybe it's ME that should lay off the booze.