Well in a flash of brilliance on Thursday night, I realized that I had the next 4 days off from work, and I could use that time wisely. I hopped onto every low price airfare site I knew of, and searched for tickets to Honolulu to see the g/f. I found one that was -reasonably- priced for being a short notice next day flight. After I ran the idea by her, the ticket was bought.

I realize now why last minute tickets are sometimes cheaper. They treat you like the bane of everyone's existence, and you WILL get a middle seat. That's a 6 hour flight, stuck between a fat old lady and an "I don't speak english very well" german chick whose face looked like it had a run in with a brick wall. Even with the poor seating and the hostile flight attendants, all my thoughts were close to "WOOOHOOOOO" the whole flight.

She picked me up when I landed, and we drove to our nice little townhouse. Our home. First impressions of the place were pretty good, I like it a lot. It will be very comfy living for the 3 of us *totally getting a puppy*. The next day we went shopping. We went to the NEX (Navy Exchange), but realized Costco would probably still be a better deal for starting out. Got the essentials like pots and pans, a microwave, all kinds of kitchen things really. Then we headed over to Walmart, which as it turns out, is a mere 4 miles from the house on a backroad. This is gonna be AWESOME, because traffic in Hawaii sucks all the time. I drove the whole time, so I could learn the area. Oh yeah, I took her out to a fancy Valentines Day breakfast at McDonalds, which we were too late for. So it turned into a fancy McDonalds lunch. After the shopping though, we decided to go downtown to a really nice Japanese Steakhouse, which was booked solid for the night. As luck would have it though, someone missed their reservation (guarantee they were stuck in traffic banging on the steering wheel) and we were seated almost immediately. Dinner was absolutely fantastic, I had Filet Mignon, scallops, lobster tail, and shrimp. Along will all the other tasty food you get there. She had the steak and lobster tail, because we are just that high class. Also met one of her friends there and got ice cream later on that night, so that was neat.

The next morning (yesterday), we drove out to the North Shore. Brought a couple of towels and other beachy things, and sprawled out for a few hours in the sand. It was really nice. I played in the water for a little bit, and earned a terrifying sunburn that I can feel pulsing even as I type this. Note to self: suncreen next time, retard. After the beach we did a little shopping up there, I got a sweet sweatshirt and hat. Then we went to a burger place that she has been telling me about for months now. Totally lived up to the hype, it was amazing. We split (she had like 3 bites) a HUGE bacon cheeseburger with avocado. I'm not talking like a slice, this was half of a freaking avocado. It was scrumtulescent though, so whatever. We headed home to shower and wash the beach off so we could go out. Went furniture shopping, and ended up getting a super comfy cal. king size bed, that will be delievered next weekend. Looked at couches and man-chairs too, but didn't find anything that really jumped out at us. Saw some that we liked, but if we can find it for a better price that's probably the way we'll go. Oh and we saw a ginormous 55" hdtv at costco that we're getting, but not till we have a way to get it home haha.

We went to dinner at a nice little pasta place, and headed home so I could pack up for my flight. I checked in online, and I will do this forever from now on if I can. I found out that I could use my miles to upgrade my seat to First class for the flight home, so I jumped on that opportunity. When I got to the airport, I got to check in, go through security, and board.... all in the 'special' line that was notably shorter. I slept the whole way back in my giant seat with tons of leg room, wincing every time I moved because of the burns. I don't think I'd have made it in coach.

Now I'm back, and here are a few countdowns for those following along:

Days left in the Army: 13
Days until the g/f flies out for vacation: 21
Days until I move to Hawai'i: 48

The lighter side

What do you do when you are in a town that flaunts it's rampant whoring and booze fueled entertainment, but you are in a loving relationship? Easy, you go to the mall.

I decided this morning that I wanted some video games to occupy me on the flight home from here, and there is only one place that I could go for that. The "SM". That stands for super-mall, as I'm sure you've already guessed. I went to the front desk to ask how long it would take to walk to the SM, and the girl behind the counter looked at me like I was a giraffe that got stuck in a tree. Bewildered and slightly amused. Apparently, I'm further from the mall than I thought. So instead of taking public transportation, I decided to hire a driver. It's kind of like getting a taxi, but nicer. I wait in the lobby for 10 relaxing minutes of feeling the breeze pass through, when a fairly new looking Lexus rolls up. Nice. 10 minutes into the drive, I realize that getting a driver was a good call. We get to the mall, and the driver gives me his cell phone number and tells me to text him when I want to go back to the hotel, so now I feel like James Bond or some shit.

I forgot what malls were like, and why I hate them. This time was different however, I decided to start my mall journey with some motherfucking cheeseburgers. Yes, good old McDonalds. It was tasty, so I was optimistic about my visit. Next I went in search of the video game stores, which -to my surprise- were all conveniently grouped together in one section. (Take notes, America.) It turns out only one of the stores had PSP games, and that store only had 4 to choose from. Luckily, two of those looked pretty awesome, so I bought them. After my quest was complete, I decided that I wasn't quite ready to go back just yet so I wandered aimlessly around. Walked by the movie theater, and quickly noted that I had no idea what any of the movies playing were. Some looked alright, but I still have no idea.

Then comes the awesome part of my mall visit. They had a big Bingo room (where a store would be, but a place to play bingo.) I figured I should give it a shot, because I was bored and tired of walking already. I played 4 games, and even won 1000 pesos (roughly $20) on the third game. I was pretty stoked, so I went in search of something to blow it on. I ended up getting a decent pair of Columbia sunglasses for a good price, they were 50% off. I called up Arther (my driver) and headed outside to wait for him. I am noticing that my tattoos make me very attractive to the gay community, because I keep getting hit on by guys. One guy last night told me I have nice eyes. That's cool man, but if you touch my weiner I will punch you right in the nose.

On the drive back, Arther mentioned that I am going to have a new President tomorrow, something that I had forgotten all about. Apparently the Filipino's are excited about Obama and his bucket of hope. They have been having massive layoffs over here too, which actually shocked me a little bit. I guess it really is a "global" crisis. At least gas prices went down, from what I hear.

Now its time for a short nap before I go lounge around all night. Maybe they'll have live music again tonight, that was pretty swell.

Remembering

4 years ago today, one of my friends...one of my brothers, was taken from me. His name is Jeremy Wright, and he was one of the finest human beings I have ever known. Never selfish, always friendly to everyone, he wouldn't blink twice at the opportunity to help someone.

He was killed when a roadside bomb detonated under his vehicle. The blast was so large that everyone else in the vehicle was ejected in the explosion. They all survived, all with permanent scars to remind them of the danger in this profession.

I'll never forget the disbelief, and then the extraordinary grief that I felt on the other side of the radio, trying to get them the hell out of there. I'd done a few missions and a lot of training with Jeremy, and I know full well that it could have just as easily been me.

So today, I'll pause a minute, and thank him for what he is, and what he stands for. Here's to you, Jeremy



Here's an article written about him in Running Times Magazine for those interested. He was truly a great man.
http://runningtimes.com/Article.aspx?ArticleID=4347

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New Year Update

Well it's 2009. A brand new year, full of possibilities. This is shaping up to be the most exciting year of my life so far. Here's a list of things that I'm looking forward to in the next 365 days:

- Leaving this craptastical island. I've hit the peak of my tolerance for blatant ass-baggery. I have two weeks left here, before I make the trip back to the magical land of McDonalds, Safeway, and loads of pizza. I hear gas prices have dropped, that's something else to look forward to.

- Moving on from this job. I don't get treated like I think I should, and the institution itself even refuses to promote me. Sure, that's partly on me... but the ratio is off. I have a grand total of 9 weeks left, of which I'll do maybe two weeks or actual work. Most people are nervous or scared when they don't have anything solid lined up for work, but I think going to school is gonna be perfect for me.

-A vacation. I'm in desperate need of one, so my friends and I (and hopefully the GF) are going to head up to the mountains of Canada and hit the slopes. It's looking like there will be a decent turnout, so I'm pretty happy about that.

- Going home to see the family for a week or so at the end of March. Haven't seen everyone in quite a while, so that should be nice.

- MOVING TO HAWAII. I'm more excited about this one than everything else combined. It's a dramatic move, sure... but my gut tells me that it's completely the right decision. Things are going extremely well with the girlfriend, and I can't wait to see how far we will go. I feel like I have found the perfect compliment to my life in her, and I am very hopeful. No one has ever just let me be me before, and it makes me happy. Really happy. [Everything from this point in my plans involves her, and that is a comfortable feeling.]

-Meeting the GF's parents sometime this summer. Her brother is getting married, so we are flying to California for all the hooplah. I think that I'll get along well with them, so I'm looking forward to meeting them.

- School starts this fall, really stoked about that. Electrical Engineering should be pretty simple (ha!).

- If everything falls into place the way it should, we should be flying her parents AND my parents to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. That should be interesting, and fun.

- If she can get a little bit of leave for Christmas I'm gonna drag her to Maryland so she can meet my family and friends, which will be nice too.

That's an entire year's worth of things to be completely excited about, along with all the little things that will happen in between. Needless to say, I am looking forward to 2009.

Last but not least, my New Year's Resolution: Continue to be pretty fucking awesome.

Quiet Birthday, But Awesome. :)

So I had an incredibly awesome birthday this week. In fact, I'd venture to say it was the best one I've ever had. I don't ever recall actually "celebrating" my birthday. When I was little, it was just another day to get presents. As I grew up, I realized that it's not really about the gifts, but instead thought it was silly that someone would give you things just because you've stayed alive for another year.

Now I know better. My 25th anniversary of being born opened my eyes to a lot of the things I never knew I was missing in life. I got off work at about 4am on the morning of my birthday. On a typical day here, I will leave work and head to the gf's room and wait patiently (ok, not so patiently) for her to swing by for some early morning work distractions. I figured it would be the same for this day, but I would be wrong. Instead when I got to her room, I opened the door to see a little microwavable birthday cake with a candle, lit in the middle of the room. The gf was waiting behind the door, and gave me a big hug and a "happy brithday" whisper in my ear. My first thought was something along the lines of 'what did I do to deserve this much awesomeness?'. We ended up sharing the cake sitting on the floor, with the only light coming from the glow of her laptop screen. Romantic, right? Hell yes it was.

A lot of things that I think about from day to day were once again confirmed as I was munching on cake, completely in love with the woman sitting across from me. I'm sure there are skeptics that would say that it's too soon to know if it really is love. Well, who are they to define it? I don't think that there is a single definition for love, because it's an indescribable emotion really and it's different for everyone. The only thing I know is that all of my fears, all of my worries, and my eternally cynical mind are all sedated when I see her smile. Everything is right in my world when she takes my hand, and it warms me inside. Dear god this is getting mushy.

You know what? This one will stay mushy.

Welcome to December, and welcome to life.

It's strange how life events will teach you things about yourself. On December 1st, my grandfather passed away in his sleep. It's been coming for a long time, and he even exceeded the doctors' expectations by over 5 weeks. He went just the way he wanted, sleeping in his bed at home after a long life full of adventure, chaos, and most importantly; love. Most people would grieve, and mourn the loss of such a great man. I just don't have that in me. Instead I reminisce about how privileged I was just to know him, and remember the years of wisdom that he instilled in me. I am sad for my grandmother however, who lost her life partner. They were married for 57 years, just 31 days shy of 58. I don't know what she's going to do now, and I don't look forward to the day that I go through that kind of loss.

I have always felt the need to show emotional strength, wear a coat of armor around my heart if you will. I am frustrated that I'm not as sad as everyone else to be honest, because I feel less human somehow. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't see death the same way that most people do. However in turn, it disheartens me that I can't empathize with my loved ones so I end up sad anyways.

This is the time that I would shut myself off to the world, go cold and bottle everything up. I've always had to deal with my mental issues and stress on my own, mostly due to my own stubbornness. People always reach out to me, but because I have already shut down emotionally I shun them. This became painfully obvious this week when I tried to push away the one person that matters. I was short fused and unnecessarily rude... maybe even spiteful. I didn't even notice until she called me on it. There is no excuse for something like that, and not the kind of person that I want to be. I'm grateful that she brought it up, because it made me get to the root of this emotional ineptitude.

What I have figured out so far: I am not used to having someone that I KNOW I can rely on in a time of massive stress. I've got friends that will always listen, even when I'm being retarded (lookin at you AJ)... but never someone so close. I always have made myself project an image of stability and relative logic and sanity. I feel that if I'm not in control, I am useless. I hate feeling weak, and I really don't like people seeing me sad. So what do I do?? I push people away and isolate myself until I get over it so they don't see the chinks in the armor that I've built up my whole life.

The good news? I finally DO have someone that won't see me as "weak" or less of a man because I get sad every once in a while. I'd certainly like to be happy all the time, but it's not going to happen. That would be inhuman. And now that I've been called on my shenanigans, I can work on accepting the fact that it's okay to have feelings, and it's okay to lean on those you love. It won't happen over night, but it will happen.

So Steph, when you read this... I'm sorry that I pushed you away from me and acted like an ass. That won't happen again, I can't afford to drag you under when all you are doing is helping me stay afloat. Thank you for being there for me, even when I didn't -think- I needed you. (I was wrong, in case that wasn't balatantly obvious.) We'll make it out of here in spite of everyone being against us, because we can.

And to everyone else that reads this blog, which I know is a small number... Thank you, too. Thanks for not letting me drown in my thoughts, and for being there when it matters. I truly appreciate it. :)

Has the world gone mad?

I sit and ponder this simple notion on a daily basis. Has the world gone insane, or is it just me? I seem to wage wars in my own mind over whether or not my sense is common, or if it is in fact the result of some eccentric thought pattern that I possess and implement with regularity. A common complaint of the human condition, is that people don't "understand" one another. I think that this stems from a lack of wanting to be understood. The brain is the only place that you can obtain true individuality, and to share that with others might negate the conscious effort to be "special."

Is it a reasonable action to grant someone access into your private thoughts? The ones you hide from society, your family and friends, perhaps even your dog. I believe that there is a location inside the self that contains all of a persons' unabridged hopes, fears, expectations, and harsh lessons learned. Theologians place this center in the heart, Scientists consider it the brain, and still others simply define this as the soul, or total being. In order to let someone pick apart your thoughts, there has to be an unmatched amount of trust involved. Trust that the observer/listener won't take your thoughts and hold them against you, slander your name, or use your own thoughts as fodder for your destruction.

For someone that has little faith in humanity as a whole, this is a colossal task. My soul is buried deep under layers of black humor, wit, sarcasm, and a general aversion to people that I don't know. I'd like to figure out exactly how to give someone the ability to walk around and view my thoughts as if they were an organized group of pictures, ideas, and philosophies. As it stands now, I have trouble verbalizing my idiosyncrasies to those I care about, because often they are mistranslated somewhere in between my cerebrum and my mouth. I bet it's the nose that the information gets distorted in. Damn nose. Either way, the verbage that falls from my sharp tongue could probably be considered mentally profound daft. I can't begin to describe the nonlinear thought patterns that govern the traffic of my mind, that no logical person could ever follow. There are no maps, no directions, and most of the time no real explanations. All I can offer are fragmentary hints at reason, that might or might not even be correctly percieved and cling to the hope that my loved ones aren't put off by my quixotic nature.

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm not. You might be the crazy one, for all I know.